"They did just so..."

So describes the life course of the Great Cloud of Witnesses cheering us on to the finish line. It's an expression that keeps playing in my mind over and over again. "Just so". Did you know that Jehovah inspired that expression to be used only 8 times in all the scriptures? Yet the word obedient (obey, obeyed, and obedience too) is used some 137 times! Is there a difference? I don't know. In all my research I didn't come across a definitive answer. (If you find more than I did, let me know!) But for me personally the expression "just so" takes on greater and greater meaning.

We live in a society and climate of blame, irresponsibility and compromise. A weakening of standards at the blink of an eye. An enlarging comfort zone that dare not be judged. I have noticed a side-effect of this ill. Instead of doing "just-so", it is easy for us to do "so-so". I don't mean outright disobedience. I mean obedience with disclaimers attached. It kind of reminds me of disarming a bomb. A person being given instructions to disarm a bomb who does things "just-so" recognizes the gravity of the situation. They hang on every word, and think before every move. They humbly know their place and their dependence on the expert. They want to save the lives of those around them as well as their own. Can you imagine disarming a bomb "so-so"? "I don't have time for this, I have somewhere to be. I'll just cut a couple of the wires. The ones with colors I like and that are easy to get to. I'm sure one of them is right. I'm sure the expert knows the best way to do this, I just can't be bothered with all those details. I have to be 'practical' and 'reasonable' and go take care of my 'necessary' things." **Boom** Yeah, how's that workin' out for ya?

Why is this on my mind? Well, I've been missing my Dad. A lot. And I have realized lately, a tad too late perhaps, how much my dear Pops did "just so". I don't think I truly realized this when he was right here with me. But now, I love that about him more and more every day. Oh, he's no Moses or Noah (sorry Dad), and I don't want to put him on a pedestal. Did he make mistakes? You betchya. Did he struggle with weaknesses? Of course. Did he once in a while totally goof off and head to the mountains with his family for a drive instead of heading to meeting for service? Woohoo! I mean... yes. But I can confidently know that Jehovah would say of him, "He did just so". Never did he answer a question of mine without quoting a scripture or referring to specific direction. (How did he remember all that?) Never was there a situation too small, too uncomfortable, or too intimidating for his careful attention, even when it made him unpopular. His love of Jehovah's standards and his zeal for the welfare of the congregation was intense. He didn't have a legalistic, Pharisaical approach by any means. But he absolutely trusted direction from Jehovah's organization. No direction was insignificant or 'optional'. Even to the smallest detail he tried to be obedient. I can remember several times, as a COBE, he would try to help a newer servant make an adjustment or refinement. Never did he just 'tell'. He always taught with references. He would search high and low for a reference or scripture he remembered reading. If he couldn't find the reference, he would keep his thoughts to himself for fear he was in error. Never did Jehovah's service become routine or an obligation. He loved it! Some of my happiest memories of him was working with him at Kingdom Hall builds or in pre-convention work. He would absolutely beam.... no other place did he want to be. I always thought of that as a glimpse of the 'boy' he was at bethel, long before I was born. He was thrilled to work with his brothers then and that thrill never faded. When he knew his condition was terminal and he was weighing health care options, he said, "I don't want to spend every waking moment in a doctor's office and in surgeries trying to eek out a few weeks or months of life. I want to use every ounce of strength I have to serve Jehovah." And two nights before he fell asleep in death, as he listened to the meeting (we weren't even sure he was hearing anything), he used the precious little strength he had to lift his arms and clap for those announced for the special month of pioneering. "He did just so."

Yes, I write this through tears. But through the tears, the memories give courage. I hear a 'cheering on the sidelines'. The cheering tells me, "Don't give up, baby-girl. You can do this! Don't compromise. Don't become weak. Don't get too comfortable. Don't even worry about the lanes next to you. Stay in your lane, the one you know is right, and keep your eye on the finish line. I'll be there waiting for you!"

Finding my inner child...

No, I promise this isn't a lengthy and boring monologue full of high sounding psychological mumbo-jumbo. I don't believe in that stuff. (Okay, it might be lengthy and boring... but I promise no psychology.) So what am I talking about? I'll get to the point... eventually. (Ha!) Lately, I've been doing some more formal photography for work. Which I am very thankful for! But in the process of doing this, something has caught me off guard. When I randomly walk through nature, camera in hand, I see all sorts of inspiration. When I am spending in afternoon with friends, and I happen to have brought my camera, I see endless opportunities to capture their familiar and much loved expressions. BUT get me behind the camera on a formal photo shoot? My brain goes dead. My creativity is flat. I quit having fun. Oh nooooo! Photography not fun?!? Say it ain't so! Well, something has to give. I have to figure this out!

Which brings me to my 'inner child' (Finally. Thanks for your patience.) For some reason lately I've been getting deja vu moments, flashbacks to my childhood. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm starting to look at the world through Iley's eyes. Whatever the reason, I have these moments. Moments: like when I hear the tune of the ice cream truck in my neighborhood. My toes tingle and I calculate whether I have the time to run in grab some money and make it back out before the truck goes by. Or how about the mundane task of making a deposit at the bank. When that vacuum tube thing shoots back, a little part of me still prays and hopes there's a sucker inside. (Darn it! It's never there. Should I ask?) Or my latest love? Fireflies! (Or Lightning Bugs... it's all good) Now that we are in the midwest again I have rediscovered Fireflies! Every night, after dark I have to watch the fireflies put on their show. I'm just sure they rehearse all day till the lights go down, waiting for their curtain call. How could I miss it? Little else brings me greater joy.

Oh sure, life is still full of all manner of seriousness and full-blown, responsible, grown-up stuff. And of course it's a whole other subject to stay fully awake and press on to spiritual maturity. (Another post, another time.) But amidst a climate in this old world of tax plans, scheduling, and insurance (yawn), I must make room for my inner child. That childlike part of the brain that stays open to simple and innocent pleasures. Always ready to discover new ones. The ability to freely imagine while still keeping one foot on solid ground. (Where's the other foot? I don't know. Pirouetting, apparently.) How can I do this? I must find a way. Not just for photography, but for all manner of things. To keep life from becoming a comatose chain of mundane nothings. Perhaps a little practice is in order. So if you see me in a field of fireflies, sucking on a popsicle, spinning till I'm dizzy. Please don't fear for my sanity. Just don't bother me... I'm living! :-)

(Thanks Tot!)

It's been a while....

Oh dear blog, what do I write? So much has happened, where do I begin? Well, there's no way to catch up, and I'll never be inspired to write again until I just write SOMETHING. So, I'll start with yesterday.

What was so great about yesterday? Well, not much really. But a great deal was accomplished. You see, Mom and I reached a milestone of sorts. We have been so stressed out lately, truly at a breaking point. And really, no matter what we pointed to or where we put the blame, we just miss Dad... plain and simple.

However, there certainly are some things we have been doing to add to that stress. We are trying to get our house on the market, we have no choice. We must sell, and get into something even more modest and simple. Everyone tells us this is the brief window of opportunity to sell. We are trying to stage the house, everyone tells us we must help the buyer create an 'emotional attachment' to our home. We have so many voices in our ear telling us what we 'must' do, and it was about to drive me insane. We have been working like crazy and leaving precious little time for what is truly important. And after Mom lost Dad's income, all of this on top of trying to create an income out of thin air. Which makes me miss Dad more. When things got crazy he always had this gift for stepping back, assessing the whole situation, seeing it from Jehovah's standpoint and finding a reasonable solution. I can't bring Dad back, but I did realize something needed to change.

So all plans came to a screeching halt yesterday. I tried to be Dad. It took a pen, notebook and three hours of crying, but Mom and I finally found a solution. The word of the day? Reasonableness. We wrote down everything stressing us. Then we wrote down what is truly important... not what people tell us is important, but what truly is important from Jehovah's standpoint. Guess what? Our list of what was stressing us, and our list of what was truly important didn't match at all. Hmmm.... something is stinky in Funkytown! What a wake-up call that was! The solution? Reasonableness. Turn off the voices in our ear, and think spiritually. Quit relying on advice from HGTV to help us sell our house... and let Jehovah help us sell our house. Oh and that month we 'took off' from our regular service schedule to get the house ready? Big mistake! What was that about 'taste and see that Jehovah is good'? Or what about finding 'refreshment for your souls'? No wonder I am stressed out! What else did I expect? I am humbled.

As I review this post the principles all seem so elementary and simple. Things I KNOW and have applied for years, but got caught off guard. Two things I reflect on tonight: One, none of us are immune to faulty reasoning, especially me. And two? Satan loves nothing more than kicking us when we are down. I don't mean that he made me do anything. But his system is designed to peck away at us until it finds a weak spot. My sorrow was my weak spot. I hope I am sufficiently humbled to learn. And I hope I can help you to stand firm.

Forver Sunshine

I'm back to the blog! Well, sort-of. I will write soon, I promise! I just lost my appetite for writing for a while. But I think it's starting to return. For now, for your viewing pleasure (or torture) here is my first stop-motion video. In case you aren't familiar with that, this entire movie is all individual photographs, taken in rapid succession, and played in one fluid line. I learned a lot and am anxious to do my next one! Oh and fyi, this is springtime in Phoenix, Az. And (random fun fact) the title is actually taken from my favorite fragrance at Bath and Body Works. Yummy!

(Guns N' Roses) Sweet Child O'Mine - Sungha Jung

A really awesome, mellow version of a 'guilty pleasure' song. This guy can really play the guitar! He's been posting on YouTube since he was pretty young, but his talent is definitely maturing. If you like this acoustic sound, I definitely recommend checking out his other work. Just thought I'd share... hope you enjoy it!

We're keeping our head above water... and having a pool party!

As most of you know a couple of weeks ago our family received sad news. Dad went into the emergency room because he was unable to swallow. Within 24 hours he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Cancer of the esophagus has metastasized to areas throughout his abdomen, and his condition is terminal. It has been quite a blow, one we are still dealing with day to day. Dad is doing good and actually is feeling pretty good. He has a feeding tube now, and is enjoying having more energy now that we are getting some food into him. Still trying to figure our how to stuff that steak into that little tube... but we'll figure it out! Haha! We have yet to meet with the oncologist... but there are several different treatments we are looking into. But I wanted to share this because of the good that has come from our situation.

Every day our family feels Jehovah lovingly grasping hold of our right hand and carrying us through this. While Dad has his times when he is down, he has a great attitude and tremendous courage. He says that at the front of his mind is to use every ounce of strength for Jehovah. His goal is not to let his health issues consume him to the point that every day is focused on that instead of his theocratic service. He doesn’t want to waste the time he has left, but wants to give it to Jehovah. This isn’t surprising to me, just fits the pattern of his life. He has enjoyed many fine privileges over the years… convention speaker, Hospital Liaison Committee, Regional Building Committee, and Bethel service to name a few. One of my favorite things he always says, “There are no ‘titles’ in Jehovah’s organization… only job descriptions. When you receive a new job description it only means more work and serving more people.” He has many skills, but his greatest quality is humility.

We have had many opportunities to witness to the hospital staff. One young intern had a lot of questions concerning the issue of blood transfusions. He wanted to know our scriptural reason for our stand. Dad was able to clear up a lot of confusion. After several different discussions, he said that our stand made sense to him. He developed a good rapport with my dad, and said that he was his favorite patient to visit, that Dad always cheered him up. He gave us his address so we could send him the video prepared especially for doctors concerning the blood issue, as well as more information about our beliefs.

Another experience was with one of Dad’s regular nurses. When she knew we were going home she came in to say goodbye. She said, “I just can’t believe how you all have handled this news. I have never seen a family deal with this with so much calm, love and patience. There is so much love in your family and you get along so well. Sometimes I see you all just give each other ‘a look’ and you know exactly what the other means. It seems like most families that are here just fight with each other the whole time. And your support group (the friends from the congregation) is amazing. So many people go through this virtually alone. But your church really takes care you!” Dad was able give Jehovah the credit and to share several scriptures with her including the fact that in the last days love is what would identify true Christians.

I have to share just one more experience. While Dad was still at the hospital were all at a pretty low point... Dad especially. So Mom said, "Maybe now would be a good time to talk to Jehovah?". So Dad said a heartfelt prayer and begged Jehovah to give us the strength to get through this... to keep a good attitude. He pleaded with Jehovah that whatever he could do to help us we would be so thankful for. Not five minutes later there, peeking through the door's window were a bunch of smiling faces! The whole Wilson family and Lindsey Myers... with cake! They had originally planned on bringing us dinner when we thought we were going home that night. When those plans changed, those dear people thought, "Why not? Let's take dessert to the hospital!" Their company and laughter was just what we needed. We are convinced that Jehovah moved their heart to be there that night. After their visit, we felt so well cared for by Jehovah, and were ready to face another day!

There have been so many more experiences, ones I know you all will enjoy, especially of the loving care from the congregation. I will share these with you soon! We are all in good spirits, just taking one day at a time... and cherishing one day at a time. Our home is a haven of peace and laughter as it always has been. No Gloomy Gusses here! I thank all of you, who knew of our situation already, for your kind words and prayers. Those prayers have power! Every day I pray for a calm heart and joy. Joy, I know, is not dependent on our circumstances, but is a gift from Jehovah, a fruitage of his spirit. And every day that is what I receive. I have never felt Jehovah’s loving care so personally, and am amazed at the calm and peace I feel. I know it’s only due to Jehovah’s strength. So, thank you Jehovah, my God and Friend.

Just a little somethin...

I've told a few of you about Pomplamoose on You Tube. Here's a little something from them I like. Maybe it will help you 'chill' on your Monday. Enjoy!