Like A Boss

On my trip to the grocery store today I was in a hurry. I  cut down the empty frozen food isle that was fitted out with those energy saving automatic sensor lights. So as I was flying down a dark isle, these bright lights dramatically lit my way. It. Was. Awesome. I felt like Jean-Luc Picard bounding down the hallway of the Enterprise to take back control of the Bridge. In reality, I was buying coffee creamer and bread... but still.

On a different (but equally awesome) note: the roads are finally clear of ice and snow! I felt like Jeff Gordon, driving like a boss. On our last errand, I mentioned to Mom that it felt so good not to drive at a glacial pace. She said (as she gripped the dashboard), "Yeah, I've been scared all day." Ha!!

Yep. Just me and my bad self. So how was your day?

The Sun WILL Rise.

I've heard it said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result.  However, what do you call it when a good result is garaunteed, but you don't believe it will come... no matter how many times it has come before? It's like going to bed at night with disbelief that the sun will rise in the morning. Why do we repeat the same familiar senario of worry, and yet doubt that Jehovah will help us? Not doubt that he is ABLE to help us. But doubt that we are worth his attention... yet again.... for the millionth time. Yet every single time he's right there. I dont think it's insanity. Lack of faith I suppose. A classic case of human imperfection.

Take the other day for instance. I've recently, albeit unwillingly, aquiesced to the idea that I fight depression. It's okay, I'm not suicidal or dark. I just have obnoxious bouts of time where everyday life is unbearably overwhelming. Days where I am so very, very tired and would feel much more capable of hiding under the blankets than face the really big tasks like, oh I dont know.... brushing my teeth. That morning, I realized, was going to be one of those days. I woke up and didn't know how I was going to make it to the end of the day. Which is sad because it was Sunday. Meeting day. My favorite day of the week. But instead of humming a happy tune, I felt like I was trying to run underwater. Pushing my way in slow motion through the simplest of tasks. Overwhelmed by the weight of anything beyond the mundane. All manner of sad thoughts ravaging my brain no matter how hard I fought to crowd them out with good things. Wanting to come up for air, but not knowing how. Insert: fervent prayer. Immediately followed by (and this is where it gets good): fervent guilt. And doubt that it can ever get better, saddened because Jehovah deserves so much better than what I give him.

But I promise this story has a happy ending. As it does every morning, the sun did rise, Jehovah helped me come up for air. I was very specific in my prayer, and Jehovah was equally specific in his encouragement. As I was getting ready for the meeting, dear freinds dropped in unannounced, and helped me remember I was part of a big theocratic family. An unexpected card from a faraway friend was in the mail with just the right words of encouragement. An email from a friend who, I  found out later, had earlier in the week specifically asked Jehovah to help her be of encouragement someone suffering from depression. And a wonderful Watchtower that reminded me of what devoted and loving shepherds Jehovah and his son are. MY Shepherd. MY Father. No matter how many times I need him to grasp my right hand.  All of this encouragement, all in the same day. The depression was still there, I was still still in the deep end. But Jehovah dove in after me. I was now above the surface, sun in my face, with a hopeful view of tomorrow. And hopefully a lesson learned: never doubt Jehovah's loving-kindness, even in the case of my own little problems.

Why am I sharing this very personal information? (Kudos to you for not high-tailing  it to Pinterest by now.) Honestly, it's a little scary to share these things. I suppose because I am just so very thankful to Jehovah. And He came to my aid by the words of others. Perhaps you are in the deep end right now. Perhaps not in the same way I was, but something. A struggle, a fight, a sadness, or a doubt. I hope my humble little arrangement of letters into words, and words into thoughts, and thoughts that tell my story will remind you of Jehovah's care for you too. Not simply care for His people in general. But YOU personally. Please never doubt you'll get the care you need. Never doubt the sun will rise for you too.

Photo Walk Scavenger Hunt

Photo Walk!

The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.  ~Henry Miller 

I really love the above quote. It sums up the purpose of a photo walk. What is a photo walk you may ask? A chance for a group of people to occupy the same space yet see it from their own perspective. With the camera we pause to focus, not just our eye, but our mind on the things around us.  A building, field, or tree that we may walk by daily but are now forced to look at. Really look at.  The beauty of the photo walk in a group setting is seeing these new 'discoveries' from another person's perspective.  It's  a wonderful opportunity to grow and learn.  And well, it's just plain fun!

This weekend I'm hosting my first photo walk and I wanted to include a couple of simple tutorials.  The tutorials are simple, not because that's all my friends can handle, but because I'm just a learner myself and simple is all I really know.  So, I thought I'd post the tutorials here and show the results when we are done!

Tutorial 1: Rule of Thirds
This first tutorial helps with creativity.  As with all things creative, it isn't a hard-and-fast rule. Really, more of a guideline.  A rule to be broken with creative intent.  (more on that later) Have you ever wondered what attracts your eye to a good photograph?  Usually it's the rule of thirds.  

What is the rule of thirds? It is a space or image that is divided into thirds horizontally and vertically.  Where these dividing lines intersect, four focal points are created.  Like this:

Notice the four focal points where the red circles are? Scientists have discovered that a person's eye naturally tends to fall to one of these four areas rather than dead center.  So by placing your subject in one of these four focal points, your photo will naturally capture the interest of its viewer.  Here's a few examples of this being done. Imagine the above grid lining up within the photos below.Notice where the focus of the image is. Can you see where the rule of thirds was followed?

In this first photo, the subject in entirety is a fence with vines growing on it. But what part is lightest? Where are the flowers brightest? Where does the line of the fence lead your eye? Can you see the rule of thirds? Can you find the focal point in the rest of the photos? 
 

Many cameras have the option of a rule of thirds grid on their LCD display that can help you line up your photo until you get the feel of composing interesting shots.  Choosing to keep your subject in one of the lower focal points can give your photo the feeling of space or openness.  Keeping your subject in the upper two focal points can often create intimacy such as you may want for a portrait of a person.  

Is there a time to 'break' this rule? Absolutely. Sometimes the whole point of your photos is symmetry such as when showing something lined up 'just so'.  Then you may want to keep the subject dead center:

Or, you may want to move the subject far beyond the four focal points for drama, or maybe to create a feeling of vastness or emptiness:

I challenge you to play with this concept. Take multiple shots of the same subject. One perfectly centered, and few following the rule of thirds, and a few totally breaking the rules. See what you think! What do you find more interesting?

Tutorial 2: Getting Flashy
Here's something a bit more technical. One of the most common misconceptions I've seen shutterbugs have is when to use a flash. Most folks just put their cameras on auto and let the camera decide when to use the flash.  In doing so they miss one of the easiest and most effective controls on any camera. Even phone cameras let you manually turn your flash on and off!  Usually you will find the flash button or control identified by a little lightning bolt. Find where on your camera you can set the flash to 'On' 'Off' or 'Auto'.

Now for the fun part. When do you think you should use a flash? Cousin Jill's wedding reception where the only available light is the little candle in the middle of the table? Well, yes (though those photos hardly ever come out beautiful).  What if I were to tell you one of the best times to use a flash is outside on a bright sunny day?  'Tis true! "But why would you need it? Eveyone knows you just face your subject toward the sun... there's plenty of bright light!" I don't know about you, but when I'm faced into bright light I squint, my eyes start watering and all my lovely wrinkles are plain as day. So, how does a flash help? Find some good solid shade, position your subject away from the sun (no more squinting) and use your flash! No shade available? Again postion them away from the sun and pop your flash. They will be beautifully backlit by the sun, but the light from the flash is much softer than the harsh sunlight. Here's a few examples of photos taken with a flash on a bright sunny day:

Notice the light behind them, the highlights in their hair? Their face and eyes are relaxed and their features are softened.

Are there times when your camera may want to automatically flash that you should set it to 'off'? Yes!  When? If the subject or focus of your photo is the lack of light.
Such as a single sun ray through the steam in your coffee:

Or when you want a subtle silhouette:

With both of these examples, my camera would have tried to use a flash to light up everything. Sometimes less is more!

Well, that does it for the tutorials.  Hopefully they are clear and helpful. Tomorrow I will post the scavenger hunt list. This is gonna be great! Feel free to message me questions or requests for further tutorials. I can't wait to see what ya'll do!

Chasing Butterflies

(I wrote this sometime last year. Not sure why I never published it.  I thought, "Well, why not now?" So, there you have it. :-D)

I apologize, dear readers, if this blog has become a bit dreary. I never intended it to be an invitation to join me on a journey of life or an indulgence of my opinions. I meant it to be the whimsical rantings of a silly mind. I actually thought of closing the blog all together, but, after quite the hiatus, decided to write at least one more time.

Now, you know I always seem to write as a result of some epiphany or resolution. Somehow, tapping it out on my little keyboard makes my superfluous thoughts feel a bit more bona fide. Of course, this time is no different. So, here we go (you know the routine):

Act 1 "The Confession"
In this past year, I have come to, what I consider, a rather brilliant conclusion: Grieving is a nasty business. Something we were never created to have to endure. Of course, our loving Father makes us equal to any trial. But that doesn't change the fact that it does horrible things to the brain. For the past year, I've felt a bit numb. Which I know, from everything I've read and heard, is quite normal. But at some point it seems a reasonable expectation to begin feeling 'something' again, right? Even though I am doing much better, for the past few months I've felt like I've been chasing butterflies. Reaching to enjoy some of the beautiful things I used to love, only to have that sense of enjoyment elude me. I reach and I reach, but it's just not the same. What is wrong with me?

Act 2 "The Epiphany"
So, I was discussing this conundrum with my Mom. My gentle, sweet, wise, and steady Mom. (I love her to pieces.) I told her everything I just mentioned above. And of course, me, in my little cone of self-pity (similar to the cone of silence, only with much more pouting), imagined a very specific outcome.... a big hug from mom, followed by, "There, there, everything will be alright." Nope, instead I was shot a look of absolute bewilderment. (Ummm...where's my hug?) This is what she then said, "I have no idea what you are talking about. 'Not feel anything?' How can you say that? What do you call it when you are impassioned for the welfare of the congregation? Is that not emotion? Or how you light up when Iley says your name? Is that 'numb'?". Hmmm.... that didn't quite go as I expected it. Actually, it went much better...

Act 3 "The Resolution"
I couldn't sleep last night (too much cold medicine), so I finally had some time to stop and really think about what she said. Maybe it isn't that I don't enjoy life, or feel strongly about things. Maybe it is simply that I now enjoy and feel strongly about different things. In an effort to 'move on' I've been groping to get back to my 'old self'. When in reality, perhaps part of 'my old self' don't exist anymore. I am coming to realize that when I said goodbye to Dad, I said goodbye to a part of myself too. The part of myself that was whimsical and carefree, naively convinced that true sorrow would never touch me. Reality has set in... Experience changes us, whether we give it permission to or not.

My Mom was absolutely right. My old self is back, I was just looking for her in the wrong places. And this in itself is a wonderful thought. It doesn't have to follow that experience changes us for the worse, though it certainly can if we let it. It's true, we often have little control over the experience that precedes change, and this can leave us feeling helpless. This sense of helplessness can cause us to lash out like a wounded animal, and leave an open wound where bitterness can fester. But, ah! this is where we do have a measure of control. How will I choose to respond? Jehovah promises that "the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers" (Philippians 4:7). That peace doesn't shield us from the realities of this old world, but it can guard us in precious ways. The scar is still new, and it will be a while before all the feeling is back. But gone is my old awkward feeling when others are enduring hardship. I no longer fear not knowing the right thing to say. I now know that to say something, anything, is far more important. Gone are the days of allowing trifles to ruin my day. Each moment we have to live and to serve Jehovah is a gift, nothing can dampen that.   A man named William Arthur Ward once said, "Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk." You know what? I think he was right. I'm finally coming out of my cocoon. I'm done chasing butterflies. I don't know... maybe I am one. A moth, perhaps? :-)

"They did just so..."

So describes the life course of the Great Cloud of Witnesses cheering us on to the finish line. It's an expression that keeps playing in my mind over and over again. "Just so". Did you know that Jehovah inspired that expression to be used only 8 times in all the scriptures? Yet the word obedient (obey, obeyed, and obedience too) is used some 137 times! Is there a difference? I don't know. In all my research I didn't come across a definitive answer. (If you find more than I did, let me know!) But for me personally the expression "just so" takes on greater and greater meaning.

We live in a society and climate of blame, irresponsibility and compromise. A weakening of standards at the blink of an eye. An enlarging comfort zone that dare not be judged. I have noticed a side-effect of this ill. Instead of doing "just-so", it is easy for us to do "so-so". I don't mean outright disobedience. I mean obedience with disclaimers attached. It kind of reminds me of disarming a bomb. A person being given instructions to disarm a bomb who does things "just-so" recognizes the gravity of the situation. They hang on every word, and think before every move. They humbly know their place and their dependence on the expert. They want to save the lives of those around them as well as their own. Can you imagine disarming a bomb "so-so"? "I don't have time for this, I have somewhere to be. I'll just cut a couple of the wires. The ones with colors I like and that are easy to get to. I'm sure one of them is right. I'm sure the expert knows the best way to do this, I just can't be bothered with all those details. I have to be 'practical' and 'reasonable' and go take care of my 'necessary' things." **Boom** Yeah, how's that workin' out for ya?

Why is this on my mind? Well, I've been missing my Dad. A lot. And I have realized lately, a tad too late perhaps, how much my dear Pops did "just so". I don't think I truly realized this when he was right here with me. But now, I love that about him more and more every day. Oh, he's no Moses or Noah (sorry Dad), and I don't want to put him on a pedestal. Did he make mistakes? You betchya. Did he struggle with weaknesses? Of course. Did he once in a while totally goof off and head to the mountains with his family for a drive instead of heading to meeting for service? Woohoo! I mean... yes. But I can confidently know that Jehovah would say of him, "He did just so". Never did he answer a question of mine without quoting a scripture or referring to specific direction. (How did he remember all that?) Never was there a situation too small, too uncomfortable, or too intimidating for his careful attention, even when it made him unpopular. His love of Jehovah's standards and his zeal for the welfare of the congregation was intense. He didn't have a legalistic, Pharisaical approach by any means. But he absolutely trusted direction from Jehovah's organization. No direction was insignificant or 'optional'. Even to the smallest detail he tried to be obedient. I can remember several times, as a COBE, he would try to help a newer servant make an adjustment or refinement. Never did he just 'tell'. He always taught with references. He would search high and low for a reference or scripture he remembered reading. If he couldn't find the reference, he would keep his thoughts to himself for fear he was in error. Never did Jehovah's service become routine or an obligation. He loved it! Some of my happiest memories of him was working with him at Kingdom Hall builds or in pre-convention work. He would absolutely beam.... no other place did he want to be. I always thought of that as a glimpse of the 'boy' he was at bethel, long before I was born. He was thrilled to work with his brothers then and that thrill never faded. When he knew his condition was terminal and he was weighing health care options, he said, "I don't want to spend every waking moment in a doctor's office and in surgeries trying to eek out a few weeks or months of life. I want to use every ounce of strength I have to serve Jehovah." And two nights before he fell asleep in death, as he listened to the meeting (we weren't even sure he was hearing anything), he used the precious little strength he had to lift his arms and clap for those announced for the special month of pioneering. "He did just so."

Yes, I write this through tears. But through the tears, the memories give courage. I hear a 'cheering on the sidelines'. The cheering tells me, "Don't give up, baby-girl. You can do this! Don't compromise. Don't become weak. Don't get too comfortable. Don't even worry about the lanes next to you. Stay in your lane, the one you know is right, and keep your eye on the finish line. I'll be there waiting for you!"

Finding my inner child...

No, I promise this isn't a lengthy and boring monologue full of high sounding psychological mumbo-jumbo. I don't believe in that stuff. (Okay, it might be lengthy and boring... but I promise no psychology.) So what am I talking about? I'll get to the point... eventually. (Ha!) Lately, I've been doing some more formal photography for work. Which I am very thankful for! But in the process of doing this, something has caught me off guard. When I randomly walk through nature, camera in hand, I see all sorts of inspiration. When I am spending in afternoon with friends, and I happen to have brought my camera, I see endless opportunities to capture their familiar and much loved expressions. BUT get me behind the camera on a formal photo shoot? My brain goes dead. My creativity is flat. I quit having fun. Oh nooooo! Photography not fun?!? Say it ain't so! Well, something has to give. I have to figure this out!

Which brings me to my 'inner child' (Finally. Thanks for your patience.) For some reason lately I've been getting deja vu moments, flashbacks to my childhood. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm starting to look at the world through Iley's eyes. Whatever the reason, I have these moments. Moments: like when I hear the tune of the ice cream truck in my neighborhood. My toes tingle and I calculate whether I have the time to run in grab some money and make it back out before the truck goes by. Or how about the mundane task of making a deposit at the bank. When that vacuum tube thing shoots back, a little part of me still prays and hopes there's a sucker inside. (Darn it! It's never there. Should I ask?) Or my latest love? Fireflies! (Or Lightning Bugs... it's all good) Now that we are in the midwest again I have rediscovered Fireflies! Every night, after dark I have to watch the fireflies put on their show. I'm just sure they rehearse all day till the lights go down, waiting for their curtain call. How could I miss it? Little else brings me greater joy.

Oh sure, life is still full of all manner of seriousness and full-blown, responsible, grown-up stuff. And of course it's a whole other subject to stay fully awake and press on to spiritual maturity. (Another post, another time.) But amidst a climate in this old world of tax plans, scheduling, and insurance (yawn), I must make room for my inner child. That childlike part of the brain that stays open to simple and innocent pleasures. Always ready to discover new ones. The ability to freely imagine while still keeping one foot on solid ground. (Where's the other foot? I don't know. Pirouetting, apparently.) How can I do this? I must find a way. Not just for photography, but for all manner of things. To keep life from becoming a comatose chain of mundane nothings. Perhaps a little practice is in order. So if you see me in a field of fireflies, sucking on a popsicle, spinning till I'm dizzy. Please don't fear for my sanity. Just don't bother me... I'm living! :-)

(Thanks Tot!)